bitches be crazy

One evening in September of 2009 a group of actors, directors and writers came together in Manhattan to create a series of 10-minute one-act plays for AWE Creative Group’s 24Hour PlayFun. The teams were chosen at random, and each play shared the same opening line, same random line, and use of the same prop. This was the birthplace of Crazy Bitches! , a story of Momma and her two haggard daughters, Cantina Marie and Lisa Marie, and the men they entertain/abduct. I had the good fortune of being drawn from a hat to work with the writer, David Slate, and I’ve been performing it ever since.

The story is an absurd comedy, one that involves sex, serpents, cannibalism, donkeys, Mexican jail, tattoos and sausage. There are many reasons we each keep coming back to perform again. It has, over the last two years, been one of the most rewarding theatrical experiences of my career. In a city of individuals, where everyone is busy and set out to succeed on their own, the bitches have surpassed stereotype and found loyalty to one another. Against all odds, the majority of us have come back and made the time to play with each other. If I had known when I first moved to New York eight years ago that I would have the opportunity to continue to perform a play that was written specifically for me, with people I loved and cherished, I wouldn’t have believed it. I’m still pinching myself.

One of the most rewarding aspects of this play is the audience reviews we receive. After a dear friend of mine watched our recent performance, he told me it reminded him of why he got into theatre in the first place: because it was fun! What a concept. I have been acting since I was a child, and certainly was first interested in this career because it was fun. I want to play, to enjoy, to create characters and relationships on stage. Since that time has passed there have been moments when it was easy to lose sight of what first intrigued me. Somewhere along the line a different kind of pressure is exposed and one can forget about the pleasure of acting. I am a trained actor and I take my work seriously, and I also perform in a variety of styles. No matter how dramatic or silly the play may be, I believe it is important to put in the table work. However, when the joy in sharing the story of the play is lost, the audience stops caring to watch. There is nothing worse than watching an actor uncomfortable or disenchanted on stage. It has been a gift to rediscover the amount of fun I can have while acting, and I am convinced that is why our audiences keep coming back. Crazy Bitches! encourages the actors to be as ridiculous as possible, and the audience and actors alike get to reap the benefits.

The excitement of this play stimulates ideas from the entire team. The writer has plans to extend the play further, we have talks of taking it on an East Coast tour, filming it for webisodes or a short film, etc. It is extremely thrilling to be part of such a twisted, perverse package. Right now we seem to have found our home in gay bars, namely the Stonewall Inn, the perfect place to try new things and play to a quirky and receptive audience. We have performances coming up May 30, 31, June 6 and 7, and assuredly more on the way, if not at Stonewall then at other venues.

What I have learned from the success of Crazy Bitches! is that audiences want to watch people act like fools on stage, and that I am honored to oblige. I will continue to play Lisa Marie, the badass Southerner who spent months in a Mexican jail for smuggling heroin across the border, for as long as the people will let me. I look forward to the future adaptations of this infectious tale, and can’t wait to play with my friends again on the 30th.

posted by jeanne lauren smith

gleeked

“Don’t Stop Believing”

-Journey

I’ve totally missed the boat on being part of the cultural phenomenon that is Glee. Sure the television show is in its early stages, but those who are total “Glee Hards” have already been formed, and my new found obsession for the show seems even more ridiculous for a person my age. However, in true Glee fashion, I ignore my haters and let my Glee flag fly!

Don’t worry this is not a post to convince anyone that they themselves should watch Glee. I was recommended to watch it many times, and I constantly resisted, until Netflix put it on there instant stream. It was either Glee or watch Eat, Pray, Love ( a book so boring I didn’t want to do any of them).

Finally I caved, and watched the show, which has led me to realize two things; one--when your closer in age to thirty than twenty, squealing like a twelve year old over a high school romance on a t.v. show is not sexy and two -- I really miss being an actress.

Now don’t get ahead of yourself; I don't miss being an actress because I want to convey an important social message about love and acceptance through the medium of television.

No, I miss being an actress because I hate not being good at anything.

I’m like a Glee cautionary tale--child actor, high school star performer, a college graduate in theater with a BFA, who moves to Los Angeles to chase her dream only to realize she won’t “make it.”

The hardest part about me deciding to no longer be an actor has been that my identity was so closely tied to this career choice I have no idea what else I’m good at. I was a good actress, I loved to perform, and I had a place in the world. Like they say on Glee-’being part of something special, makes you special’-and it’s true.

As I continue to take steps toward adulthood, and leave my Glee years behind, more and more I miss the solace of having a singular dream, and thinking it is all you want in the world. I could have become a successful actress, but my dream collided with reality, and the truth was I outgrew it.

I’m totally reading into this t.v. show way more than I should, but I’m in vulnerable place, and I tend to look to imaginary worlds to show me some kind of reality of my own. I’ve found Glee in a time of my life when I rarely feel passion for something as strongly as I did when I was 16.

While Glee may be nothing more than amazing entertainment, the stirring in my loins when I watch it reminds me that I am someone that demands a dream for myself. I have no idea what that dream may be or where it will lead, all I know is that I need to head in some new directions (little glee humor for you fans!)

posted by: jaime navarro

the first year is the hardest part ii

this is a thanksgiving dinner for two

            Often I would meet people in LA who seemed to be making their dreams happen,  be it acting, directing, writing or working in some capacity for a production company.  I would stare at them like they were a mechanic working on a car engine or a complex math problem, something I wanted desperately to understand but could not begin to wrap my mind around.  I was curious to know just how they seemed to be making this happen, nine times out of ten what I would find out is that they were one of three kinds of people.  A.  There was family money which was paying for their living expenses leaving them with wide open days to audition.  B. They had a relative involved in the business who was advancing their career regardless of their talent.  C. While appearing to do well for themselves they were actually quietly drowning in debt which will eventually swallow them up.  That one out of ten is a real rarity, yet this is the type of person whose story the media glorifies over and over.  Everyone else that isn’t one of those ten is just hustling, trying to make it.

The week before Thanksgiving Jaime applied to a stylish new restaurant in the heart of Hollywood, called Citizen Smith.  This was one of those restaurants where it was you along with 1000 other actors/writers/directors hopefully applying for 5-10 jobs.  It seemed like a long shot but when the interview went well things were looking promising.  The initial interview was designed to weed out the completely incompetent, so Jaime was called back for a second interview.

The writers strike was still going strong, we had to dodge protests to get to the restaurant.  Despite this Hollywood shutdown Jaime and I traveled deep into the Valley to an agency which claimed to help actors get agents.  This is basically like going to someone who promises to find you a temp agency, not a job, your paying them to talk to agents who may or may not be interested in you.  Best case scenario is that you sign with a talent agent who then still will need to find you an audition.  At the interview which lasted two hours they told Jaime something we would hear a lot over the next year and a half.  “Your great!  But with the writers strike there’s just no work.”  Even reality shows employ writers and so many of them had stopped production as well.

Trying to find a balance between accessing auditions, getting jobs and having actual consistent work which pays you enough to cover your bills is the biggest hurdle to overcome by far, harder than any audition you will go on.  Most former actors I met left acting exactly for that reason, they were busily working to find that balance when they landed a good day job and never went back.  You’ll eventually learn what your truly passionate about (even if it takes you 15 years) you’ll either stay passionate about acting or find something else you enjoy doing just as much.  There’s no shame in that it’s just the reality of the business, many great actors have found jobs they were much happier at.

Jaime wasn’t anywhere near that point, she was still full of hope and willing to make huge sacrifices to make her dream happen.  During her “call back” interview with Citizen Smith Jaime really hit it off with the manager and his suggestion to her was to come back that night and have dinner, get a feel for the restaurant.  Citizen Smith is a swanky place and there is nothing cheap about it, but in the hopes of getting Jaime this job we sucked it up opened our wallets and went in for a few drinks and appetizers. 

Like most of the trendy Hollywood clubs and restaurants, Citizen Smith looked like nothing from the outside but on the inside it was a sight to behold.  The design could best be described as the offspring of an Andy Warhol painting and a TexMex family restaurant.  If there was ever a place that screamed out “HOLLYWOOD” this was it.  The seat cushions were cow hide and the tables looked like (and for all I know were,” enormous slabs of sliced Redwood trees.

It was early about 6:30 and Hollywood doesn’t come to life until 9:00 or 10:00 so the place was mostly empty.  At the bar we ordered two $15 drinks a $20 Macaroni and Cheese and something else which I found so memorable that I cannot remember it now.  We watched Easy Rider on the t.v. and when are bill came the total was $60, which for two kids with no income was pretty steep.  We never met with the manager and I just hoped that somehow he would know that we’d been there.

On our way back to our car we saw the most adorable black and white cat sitting lonely in an empty parking lot.  It was the spitting image of our cat at home only about fifteen pounds lighter.  He sat looking mournfully as if asking me to come and take him home.  We watched each other for a long moment and I crouched low and slowly moved to pick him up.  I’m sure he was covered in flees and his intestines were full of worms but I just had to see how close he would let me get to him.  I was right on top of him when he darted away and under a car on the opposite side of the street.

The following Thursday was Thanksgiving, our first away from friends and family.  Often the week before a big holiday you would run into someone you knew and start talking.  The subject of Thanksgiving would be brought up and they would mention some orphan dinner that was taking place at a friends place or a friend of a friends place.  You would either show up with a dish or you find an excuse to decline.

Since the only two people we knew were going to be out of town we held our own Thanksgiving dinner in our apartment.  We got dressed up and spent the day watching t.v. and snacking as if company was going to arrive any minute.  For dinner we made enough food to feed eight people and then preceded to make ourselves sick trying to eat it all.  It was lonely knowing that 1,100 miles away our families were laughing, catching up, and getting full together without us.  On the other hand doing this all by ourselves made me feel more like an adult then I’d ever felt before.

The following week Jaime waited patiently to hear from Citizen Smith, after two days she gave them a call, only to be told that they were going to need another week to decide.  This was their way of saying “sorry we didn’t hire you.”

It was upsetting for her not to get the job but infuriating that we went down there and dropped $60 on mediocre drinks and appetizers with money we really didn’t have.

By the end of the week I got a call from Borders bookstore to schedule an interview.  I had applied for it two weeks previous and had forgotten all about it.  I would be going in Monday for an interview at their Century City store.  

To be continued...