splitting hairs

It feels weird to “introduce” myself when for months now some of you have already been reading about my life. When Brian asked me to start writing for his blog I jumped at the chance, if for no other reason then, now I get to talk about some of his more embarrassing moments (I kid, I kid!)

Really I’m very excited to write for B’s blog! I’m currently writing a blog for my company Fierce, Inc. and, as a young writer, I always love the chance to write more!

The men in my life have always been fascinated with my hair. Their obsession baffles me as its always been my biggest pain in the ass. It’s thick, curly or wavy and usually is copping major attitude. It can be tamed, but it involves copious amounts of liquid and heat and is a laborious process.

I often talked about cutting it really short, but Brian always through a fit. This fit usually included begging and tears, so I just left it long. Six months before we got married I decided enough was enough, and after the wedding, I was chopping it off. When I told B he laughed in my face. Brian should know better than to ever dare me, but he couldn't help himself, and he called my bluff. It was on! It was on like Donkey Kong.

Please don’t get confused, I didn't want to cut my hair just to piss him off. However, if he was going to be glib I wasn't going to endear myself to his point of view.

So two years ago, one week after our wedding, I walked to the salon across the street from my house and had them take the scissors to my long curly mane. The stylist, afraid of some impending freak out due to shock, wouldn't go pixie short and instead left me with a Kate Plus 8 type haircut. It was horrible. I hated it instantly, but he talked me into going home for the night, and if I still didn't like it the next day to come back and he would ‘go all the way.’

To my surprise B liked it. This was further proof to me that I hated it. After an embarrassing trip to Target, that included me pulling my hood over my head the whole time and Brian getting very pissed off at me, I knew that I would be making a trip back to the salon the next day.

I didn't tell B about my decision, and so when he came home to find his wife with shorter hair than his, his reaction was to be a total asshole.

He continued to be an asshole for weeks after, until a combination of my tears and stern looks from his parents forced him to apologize. His point was clear though; he hated my hair and so I began to hate my hair. I immediately began to grow it back out.This process totally blows (btw), but after two years I finally grew it down to my shoulders. B was so happy, the liquid and heat had returned and hours of my time was now being consumed by my hair.

A very complex part of a relationship is the area concerning looks. I’m at the point in my life where I’m trying to determine; just how much what I look like has to do with my identity. Add in the extra layer that I want another person to want to have sex with me on a regular basis, and I do feel an obligation to stay attractive for my spouse. This thought process is how you end up with the cluster-fuck that is happening inside my head.

Brian likes long, curly, beautiful Cosmopolitan magazine type hair, I don’t want that to be my identity. It recently became clear to me that I needed to give the pixie hair cut another chance.This was news I wasn't looking forward to breaking to Brian again.

Nobody can fully prepare you for the crazy shit that happens in a relationship. If someone had told me that being married would involve deep conversations about hair, I would have thought marriage was bullshit, because you can’t just do something without taking the other persons feelings into account. Brian did not disappoint me though, he totally manned up and came through. Maybe it is bullshit that Brian cares so much about my hair or that I care so much about what he thinks, but nonetheless he put his feelings aside and took one for the team. He even went so far as to help me pick a style of pixie cut he thought was somewhat sexy.

I’m excited for the new me, which feels a lot like the old me--just with less liquid, heat and more time on my hands!

posted by: jaime navarro